I knew something was a bit off with this book when I first started reading it. For the first several pages, I honestly thought I was reading some kind of forward or author's commentary that had nothing at all to do with the story. I wasn't.
Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies
(How To End Human Suffering #1)
by James Marshall
ChiZine Publications
April 2012
The book is told in first person by our protagonist, Guy Boy Man. The introduction to the story is one long run on sentence that actually covers a couple of pages and details how Guy lives in his parents' basement. However he realizes that what everyone thinks is real is actually an illusion and that the world is being controlled by zombies.
Somewhere in the first few pages (and still in the first sentence), Guy explains how he escapes his parents' basement, realizes his parents are zombies, and brutally murders them with an ax. From there he somehow acquires vast sums of money, and starts his own religion.
The book actually goes down hill from there. Or at least I assume it does since I didn't finish it. I got about as far as Guy attending high school where he openly drinks whiskey, wears a hat reminiscent of the pope, and meets a girl named Babydoll15 who is followed everywhere by a unicorn.
Now I will say that the opening of the book did initially lead me to believe that the rather ludicrous nature and style of the story were just a cover for social commentary about modern people being zombies because we mindlessly shuffle through life. There were even a few hints that the internet and television were to blame.
But ultimately, the story devolves into something akin to a junior high school boy's fantasy involving being rich, powerful, and surrounded by adoring fans, many of them attractive women.
To be honest, I normally hate walking away from a book before finishing it, but try as I might I couldn't keep going. Save yourself some time and don't bother picking this book up. There's really nothing in it worth reading.
