When you say something is guaranteed it really only promotes the sale if there is a chance that the thing for sale may not actually be – on its face – obviously going to work. But this book promotes as “Groundbreaking” common sense ways of dealing with conflict that will work. Without the need for a guarantee.
Never Fight Again… Guaranteed!
Groundbreaking Practices for a Win-Win Marriage
by David B. Hawkins
Abingdon
July 2014
This may seem to suggest that the book isn’t useful or good at doing what it promises. That’s not the intention in this review. Rather it’s a commentary on the sensationalism of the title and calling Dr. Hawkins “Your Relationship Doctor.” We get it, you want to sell this book. But when I’m looking for relationship advice I’d rather read about how the help is going to actually help rather than ad copy. Enough of this, how is the book?
The book will help you stop fighting if you actually change how you fight into one of not fighting. Circular, right? What Dr. Hawkins promotes is empathy, courtesy, charity and self control. Not groundbreaking, but perhaps not mentioned enough in books like these. I’ve read most of the big names in this industry and most relationship book focus on explaining behavior then responding to the behavior once you understand where it’s coming from. Men are from Mars so they act this way… Woman need love while men need respect… and so on. This book avoids dealing with the consequences of behavior by challenging the reader to change how they respond in a way that may be summarized as simply, “It’s not healthy to fight.”
So if it’s not healthy to fight then it’s not healthy to argue. It’s not healthy to let your emotions loose or vent. Instead, control your tongue and focus on loving your spouse. If this sounds familiar it really should be for buyers of Abingdon books because this is straight out of Proverbs and Jesus’ sermons. Love your enemies. Be patient. Return love for hate and so on. Which brings me to a concern. This is a “Christian” publisher and the author does quote the Bible at times but there isn’t a clear connection to the source material that if Dr. Hawkins were quoting ideas by any other author or book than the Bible you’d expect citations. There are very few quotes from the Bible here, but the ideas seem to be influenced heavily by them.
(One other thing: the initial quote in the book about how good and pleasing it is when “families” live together in harmony is a misquote. Only the CEB uses families. In all other translations this is better translated as “members of the community of believers” or “brothers and sisters [in the faith].” I had previously thought highly of the CEB but this is a red flag. What other small changes were made?)
Overall, any reader who listens to these words and takes them to heart wont fight. Because basically the book is saying to not fight, don’t fight. Not a bad message, but not groundbreaking. I believe the book over promises on an overly obvious principle. The Dr. is right, but you don’t need the book to know it in my opinion.
@ashertopia is the Managing Editor of BookGateway.com. He is an avid reader and a lifetime learner. His favorite genres include science fiction, fantasy, as well as theology and Christian living. His personal blog is AshertopiA – a land flowing with milk and honey… and a lot of sticky people.
This book was provided by the publisher as a review copy.